You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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