Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
