time to smoke my breakfast
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
