just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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