p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Is her dick bigger than yours?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
