I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
