He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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