I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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