best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
