I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Randomize
