when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
All I want is dick and wine.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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