You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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