you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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