dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
