someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Randomize
