turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
