Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
