We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
