The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
