someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
