I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Randomize