We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
