My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
