Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You took a bar mat shot.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
