Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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