Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
