In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
