I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Everything about him screamed your future.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
