he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
