i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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