you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
