will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I AM VODKA MAN
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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