I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
