She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
