Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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