the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
