in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
