my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
you had me at cake vodka
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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