He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
