Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
