Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Randomize
