he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You left your phone here
Wait...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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