the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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