with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize