i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
