How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
