that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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