You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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