She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
