We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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