she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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