I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
