Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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