I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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