those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
