Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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