I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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