I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
