Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
