I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
