my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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