Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
