Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
