After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
