Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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