I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
