I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
