You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
