I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
