I met the friendliest cop last night
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
is it fun? or sober?
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