omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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