his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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