She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
When are your genitals available?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
