Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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