He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
