I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
