You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
