WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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