It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
the raccoons are back...
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