they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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