When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
