living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
