my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
