I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
