His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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