would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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