Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
