Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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