Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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