If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
