i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
