he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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