ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
