If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize