This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
All the doctor said was why
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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