I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
