You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
