Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
