I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
