I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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