The maid of honor just puked.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
