i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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