she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
