my vag is so smooth its legendary
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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