i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize