is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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