The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He passed out mid-signature
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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