Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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