I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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